Embracing the Moment
by Sarruby
Summary: Levi and Eren have some time alone in that castle room, after Eren is rescued from the female Titan but before the escort arrives to take Eren into the capital.


_Setting: After rescuing Eren from the female Titan but before the escort arrives…_

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The silence choked Eren. Where there should have been 4 more people, empty seats stood. The abandoned castle screamed silence at them, not even letting the wind in.

They'd just ridden back inside the wall. Eren had cried in the carriage, Mikasa's presence not even a comfort anymore.

"Heichou, I'm sorry…" Eren said clearly, looking down at the floor.

Levi looked up. He'd been staring off into space for a while, and while Eren's words didn't startle him, he seemed surprised that Eren had said anything at all. Eren took this as a prompt to continue.

"If I hadn't made the wrong choice back then…"

Levi shook his head and swallowed harshly – it looked like he might be in pain. But it was difficult to tell from all the way across the table in the dim lighting of the castle's interior. "Don't worry about it. No one could have predicted this outcome."

Eren studied his hands for a minute, the silence and emptiness drowning.

"I'm sorry," Eren said again.

Levi looked irritated at that. "I already said it wasn't – "

"I mean, I'm sorry for your loss," Eren tried again.

Levi's eye twitched. "It's your loss too."

For some reason, Eren felt a spark of frustration. Here he was, trying to express his condolences for Levi, and yet it seemed the man wouldn't accept them. They had some time before Erwin and the others showed, and longer still before the military police came.

After they had ridden off to the castle, it had been up to them to handle all of the belongings left behind. They'd dealt with the items in near silence, withering memories and lost dreams sucking the words out of their mouths.

But that didn't change the fact that Levi had known his squad longer and better than Eren.

"I'm just trying to express my condolences! You knew them better than I did, didn't you?!" Eren snapped. He was tired and frustrated and sad and exasperated and –

Levi glared at him, furious. "Your shitty condolences won't bring them back. Shove them up your ass."

Eren paused, mouth open. His expression twisted partway. "Heichou…"

It was just like he was after his mother had died. His only way of coping was to _not_ cope – to have the absence, feel the pain, and use all of it to fuel his anger against the Titans. None of that acceptance crap. He swore revenge, not sought counselling.

But Eren's squad mates were a different matter entirely. When Marco died, there had been pain, as there had been with the loss of many fellow soldiers. For them, he could cringe in pain and move on – accept the pity of others and add their twigs to the bonfire his mother's death caused.

Yet Levi wasn't acting like that. Levi had obviously experienced loss before, Eren knew, but his composure was slipping a little now. This was more like when Eren lost his mom.

Eren had to ask. He had to know.

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"Was… Petra…?"

Levi froze at Eren's words. Then he relaxed, immediately, realizing his body language had confirmed Eren's conjecture: they had been a thing. Well, until she got killed. He didn't reply, just put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

Which gave Eren a chance to do something Levi wasn't expecting. Stealthily, Eren walked around the table, trying not to make a sound.

Of course, Levi heard his furtive movements. "What the fuck are you doing?" he muttered.

He hadn't looked up at Eren yet, so he was surprised to find the brat's arms yanking him out of his seat and into a tight embrace.

Pain shot up his sprained leg, triggering him to grab at the nearest thing to support him – Eren. It wasn't that he wanted a hug – quite the opposite, in fact. This was not appropriate for their leader-soldier relationship (not that he really cared about the whole status shit, but he didn't know if Eren would feel awkward after this), and he wasn't exactly a touchy-feely type, to understate things completely.

Levi frowned and glared at the whole situation further when he realized that the 10 cm difference between them meant his chin was about the height of Eren's shoulder. Scratch that, somehow Eren miraculously tilted Levi's head back in the process, and it was really his nose that matched Eren's shoulder.

This all took about two seconds. It took Levi another second to absorb in the situation completely. He took only one more to decide that Eren was a dipshit.

"The fuck?"

Levi shifted his arms from Eren's back to his chest. The brat had him by the torso, and Levi's elbows stuck out a little awkwardly. Levi pushed him away, but Eren didn't yield completely. He let Levi push back a little, but not out of his arms.

It took Levi another two seconds to realize that Eren was crying. Like, little-rivulets-trickled-down-his-cheeks kind of a crying. He was silent, but also suffering. Despite his outburst of emotion – Levi supposed it was natural, the kid was still a teen – Eren met Levi's gaze steadily, if sorrowfully.

Their faces were maybe a hand's width apart, Levi looking up at Eren. And for once, Levi had no idea what to do.

Eren was studying him, nothing but the tears revealing any emotion. If there was a manly way to cry, Eren was about as close as he was going to get to it. Levi had briefly seen Eren crying earlier out of the corner of his eye, in the cart with his sister, but this was more controlled.

Levi, however, was completely off put by the situation. He wasn't sure he could handle any more emotional shit today.

They stayed like that for a moment – more than a few seconds – just looking at each other, invading each other's personal space.

"I'm sorry," Eren said, and Levi had no doubt that he wasn't apologizing. He was expressing those goddam condolences.

But somehow the words to push Eren away completely wouldn't come.

Instead, Levi found his face guided into Eren's shoulder. Eren had reached up behind him, one arm still holding him against Eren's chest, and nestled his other hand in the back of Levi's hair. That hand was pulling his face against Eren's shoulder.

Levi stiffened. He had no idea what the brat wanted. His mind was totally blank. It kind of reminded him of how –

Petra –

could wipe his thought processes cleaner than his room. And how Eldo could make him laugh. And how Isabel touched his heart, with her strange ability to express all her emotions at once. And how Farlan cared for him, with his undying concern for Levi. And –

Fuck this. Levi wasn't some sentimental fucker. His burning passion for killing Titans and leaving the walls would be flamed by their deaths, that's all.

"Are you trying to make me cry, you fucking shit?" Levi hissed, coloring his tone as red as he could. "'Cause it sure as hell isn't working, shit-face."

Eren dropped his head into Levi's shoulder, despite the height difference. Levi frowned further at the thought that now there'd be salt and maybe snot in his shirt. Yuck.

"I'm sorry," Eren muttered into Levi's shoulder, completely ignoring what Levi had said. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Levi could help but feel a lump form in his throat. He couldn't let this continue, or else he'd –

Fucking –

"Do you remember those kids at the back of the crowd?" Levi asked quietly, muffled by the close proximity. But Eren's ear was next to his mouth, so he was certain that Eren understood. "They were watching us. We have to be strong to keep everyone's support. We have to be strong to keep fighting, to not give up. Be strong, Jaeger." _And let the fuck go of me now, brat. Maybe_.

"Being strong," Eren said, oblivious to the irony, "doesn't mean you're not human."

"Being human means you have responsibilities," Levi countered, "like being strong and surviving hell and enduring shit."

But Eren was persistent. "Yeah, being human means you don't give up," he said, voice thick. "But it also means you aren't perfect. It's okay to be weak sometimes. "

Levi wanted to – he didn't know what he wanted anymore. His own arms slid down, finally coming to rest at Eren's back again. He closed his eyes and just leaned into Eren's touch. Somehow, Eren wanted his embrace.

Levi would never admit that he thought he might want – no, _benefit_ from it too.

He certainly didn't want a fucking _hug_.

Definitely not.

Crying was something Levi gave up years ago. He could pinpoint the last time he'd cried: in the rain after Farlan and Isabel died. No one could have seen it then, of course, but that wasn't the point.

He didn't need to cry now.

And he wouldn't.

Wouldn't.

But Levi could relish the warm sympathy and empathy Eren was giving him. Eren was someone who understood his pain, like too many others, but unlike them, he was close enough to Levi for him to _really_ understand. Someone close enough that Levi could trust him and let him hold him.

Just for a minute, Levi could let himself drop the "Humanity's Strongest Soldier" bullshit and be human.

Just for a minute.

Just for a minute…

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OMAKE

The rest of the gang arrived. The two were still embracing each other as if in a trance, and neither seemed to have noticed their arrival.

Mikasa: "…"

Armin: "I thought Petra and Levi – "

Jean gaped. "But Mikasa and Eren – "

Erwin said, "Hot damn."

They all turned to look at Erwin. As per his unusual self, he didn't explain.

Levi pulled away from Eren sharply. "It was just a _fucking hug_, got it?" he hissed. Armin deduced that the comment was mostly aimed at Eren, who was blushing madly.

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AN: Hope the omake made the sadness slightly more endurable.

If the Isabel and Farlan references don't make sense, look up **_Shingeki no Kyojin Gaiden - Kuinaki Sentaku_**, which gives Levi's AWESOME backstory in manga form. Google "a choice with no regrets" for the WhiteFlower Translation of the light novel the manga is based on if you can't wait to find out the rest.

Also, please rewrite this scene freely (not that it's my place to give you that permission). I feel like we FF writers could do _so_ much with it, and this is just 1 idea. I mean, it's this awkward point after the forest thing with Annie and before they lure her out where Levi and Eren are alone for a bit together.

So….

Drop a review if you want to. Do you think Levi would cry over Petra or others? Did I imply too much that he might have here? OOC Eren/Levi? (the omake is different)


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